1. Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.
2. Stupidity is the basic building block of the universe.
3. Tobacco is my favorite vegetable.
4. There is no hell. There is only France.
5. Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up.
6. Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.
7. It is always advisable to be a loser if you cannot become a winner.
8. A mind is like a parachute. It doesnt work if it's not open.
9. If we can't be free at least we can be cheap.
10. Sometimes you got to get sick before you can feel better.
11. You can't be a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.
12. There will never be a nuclear war; there's too much real estate involved.
13. Consider for a moment any beauty in the name Ralph.
14. Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million people think you are?
15. Outdoors for me is walking from the car to the ticket desk at the airport
16. You drank beer, you played golf, you watched football - WE EVOLVED!
17. You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37 nuclear powered pansexual roto-plooker....and you're gonna have to pay for it.
18. Interviewer: "So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?"
FZ: "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?"
19. Without deviation from the norm, 'progress' is not possible.
20. Who are the brain police?
21. The people of your century no longer require the service of composers.
A composer is as useful to a person in a jogging suit as a dinsoaur turd in the middle of his runway.
22. There are more love songs than anything else.
If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.
23. Hey, you know something people? I'm not black, but there's a whole lots a times I wish I could say I'm not white.
24. Most people wouldn't know good music if it came up and bit them in the ass.
25. Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
26. There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
27. There are three things that smell of fish. One of them is fish. The other two are growing on you!
28. May your shit come to life and kiss you on the face.
29. Let's not be too rough on our own ignorance, it's what makes America great.
30. Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is THE BEST.
31. Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die.
32. The creation and destruction of harmonic and 'statistical' tensions is essential to the maintenance of compositional drama. Any composition (or improvisation) which remains consonant and 'regular' throughout is, for me, equivalent to watching a movie with only 'good guys' in it, or eating cottage cheese.