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Funny Lightbulb Jokes
Check Out These
Lightbulb Jokes



Blonde Jokes
Redneck Jokes
Irish Drinking Jokes
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Q: How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - but he has to wait until the light gets better.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One .. Two, and a-one two three four

Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

Q: How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32.......

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. You can do it yourself, dammit.

Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.

Q: How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. However, it takes a whole emergency room to get it out.

Q: How does Ozzy Osbourne change a light bulb?
A: First he bites off the old one.

Q: How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Why bother? It's just going to burn out anyway

Q: How many senior citizens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but she pays a telemarketer $2000 for the new bulb.

Q: How many sexual deviants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One but it takes the entire cast of E.R. to get it out.

Q: How many Irish does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Never mind, we'll drink in the dark.

Q: How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there going "To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right..."

Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.

Q: How many survivors of a nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None of your damn business!

Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What sort of answer did you have in mind?
A: None-just assume it's changed.

Q: How many fishermen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five, and you should've seen the light bulb! It must have been *this* big! Five of us were barely enough!

Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But they'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy as it would be for a Mac user.

Q: How many Australian men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. 1 to change it and 99 to say "Good onya mate!".

Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the lightbulb, and one to watch him to make sure he doesn't say 'nipple'.
A: Eight. One screws in the lightbulb, but seven more do too, due to a software bug.
A: Eleven. One to ask to be on the lightbulb gif mailing list, nine to say "ME TOO!", and another to post a message asking for the intructions on how to view a lightbulb.

Q: How many LA cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five: One to screw in a new bulb, and four to beat the crap out of the old one.

Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It's a hardware problem.

Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

Q: How many Jewish grandmothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. I'll sit in the dark. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me..

Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is.

Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six - One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs.
A: Two, one to screw in all the bulbs he has until he finds one that fits, and the other to tell you he thinks he'll have to replace the whole socket.

Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
A: Five - one to change the light bulb and the other four to fill out the Environmental Impact Statement.

Q: How many circus performers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four: One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!
A: Four. One to change the bulb and three to sing, Ta da!

Q: How many MicroSoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new industry standard.

Q: How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?
A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.

Q: How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine: One to buy the light bulb from a gay-owned and operated store, two to tell him of some other place where he could have gotten it cheaper, one to call the local gay owned and operated contract business, and five to install the track lighting instead of using the new light bulb.

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

Q: How many country & western singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but she uses a hammer!

Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and the other to say "Fabulous."

Q: How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Depends how high the ceiling is!

Q: How many Princeton students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That depends on whether it has health insurance.

Q: How many executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A roomful - they have to hold a meeting to discuss all the ramifications of the change.

Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two..............IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT?????!!!!???

Q: How many heavy metal fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to say "Excelleeeeeent !"

Q: How many ice skaters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw in the bulb, one to hire a hitman to club the other skater on the knee.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
A: Three. One to change it and 2 to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection!"
A: Three-one to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place, one to sue the electrician who wired the house, and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.

Q: How many Lunatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change the light bulb and the other to tell him to make sure he sticks his fingers in the socket first, to see if the electricity is switched on.

Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.

Q: How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone and change the room. It's all relative.

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three:
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.


Q: How many wives does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Nobody knows - they're too busy trying to change their husbands.

Q: How many Magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on what you want it changed in to...

Q: How many manic-depressives does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but they keep changing it back and forth between the new and old bulbs.

Q: How many marketing directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the lightbulb itself.

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.

Q:How many gorrilas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a ton of light bulbs!

Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please.

Q: How many monkeys does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to do it and one to scratch his butt.

Q: How many movie actresses does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but you should've seen the line outside the producer's hotel room.

Q: Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
A: No, big daddy, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. One to screw in the lightbulb and five to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience.

Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Who wants to know ?
A: Just what exactly do you mean by that, huh ?

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but the lightbulb must want to change.

A: One.
Q: How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?

Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. They all beat the hell out of it, leave it lying in a dark alley and brag about it in the pub afterwards.
A: One, it only takes one person to use a hammer.
A: Three, one to change the bulb, one to take care of the sheep, and one to observe and try to think why he isn't tending to the sheep's needs.
A: Two, one to drive their home to the hardware store and one to buy the bulb and screw it in.

Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, two ! One, two ! One, two !

Q: How many schizophreniacs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Well, he thinks it's five but as we all now it's only him, so...

Q: How many seventies disco dancers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to boogie up the ladder and one to say "Get daaowwwwn !"

Q: How many sheep does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to follow him round while he looks for a new one.

Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One - plus or minus three

Q: How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.

Q: How many Union Electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sixteen - One to give the bulb to the screw-inner. One to screw in the bulb. One to hold him on the step ladder. Four to hold the step ladder steady. One to flick the switch to test the bulb. One to make sure that the other bulbs in the room will need fixing. One to supervise. Two to take a coffee break, one to eat lunch, and one to nap and one to plot the best way of breaking into the apartment at night.

Q: How many Waiters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, even a burned out bulb can't catch a waiters eye

Q: How many waitresses does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. Two to stand around bitching about it and one to go get the manager.

Q: How many WWF wrestlers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to yank the old bulb out, throw it on the floor, try and jump onto it from a great height, and act real surprised when it rolls out of the way at the last minute, one to pretend to twist the new one in round and round so far it almost breaks, and some guy in a black and white stripey uniform whose function is never made quite clear to protest about something or other, to the complete indifference of the bulb changers.

Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?br>
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
A: Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.
A: One to change and one not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is Four. One to change the bulb.
A: None. Zen masters carry their own light.

Q: How many "Changing lightbulbs" joke writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Hundreds, and don't ask why because they haven't figured that out yet.





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