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Funny Epitaphs

Witty sayings found on tombstones.
Epitaphs From Near And Far
Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

    Here lies
    Johnny Yeast
    Pardon me
    For not rising.

Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:

    Here lies the body
    of Jonathan Blake
    Stepped on the gas
    Instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

    Here lays Butch,
    We planted him raw.
    He was quick on the trigger,
    But slow on the draw.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:

    Sir John Strange
    Here lies an honest lawyer,
    And that is Strange.

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:

    I was somebody.
    Who, is no business
    Of yours.

Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in
the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in
Tombstone, Arizona:

    Here lies Lester Moore
    Four slugs from a .44
    No Les No More.

In a Georgia cemetery:

    "I told you I was sick"

headstone writing - I told you I was sick
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

    Reader if cash thou art
    In want of any
    Dig 4 feet deep
    And thou wilt find a Penny.

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:

    She always said her feet were killing her
    but nobody believed her.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

    On the 22nd of June
    - Jonathan Fiddle -
    Went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that
sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:

    Here lies the body of our Anna
    Done to death by a banana
    It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
    But the skin of the thing that made her go.

More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:

    Gone away
    Owin' more
    Than he could pay.

Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:

    In Memory of Beza Wood
    Departed this life
    Nov. 2, 1837
    Aged 45 yrs.
    Here lies one Wood
    Enclosed in wood
    One Wood
    Within another.
    The outer wood
    Is very good:
    We cannot praise
    The other.

On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

    Under the sod and under the trees
    Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
    He is not here, there's only the pod:
    Pease shelled out and went to God.

Cook headstone

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:

    Who was fatally burned
    March 21, 1870
    by the explosion of a lamp
    filled with "R.E. Danforth's
    Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:

    Born 1903 - Died 1942
    Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
    the car was on the way down.
    It was.

In a cemetary in England:

    Remember man, as you walk by,
    As you are now, so once was I,
    As I am now, so shall you be,
    Remember this and follow me.
        - To which someone replied by writing on the tombstome:

          To follow you I'll not consent,
          Until I know which way you went.

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

    Here lies Ezekial Aikle
    Age 102
    The Good Die Young.

In a London, England cemetery:

    Here lies Ann Mann,
    Who lived an old maid
    But died an old Mann.
    Dec. 8, 1767

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:

    Sacred to the memory of
    my husband John Barnes
    who died January 3, 1803
    His comely young widow, aged 23, has
    many qualifications of a good wife, and
    yearns to be comforted.

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

    The children of Israel wanted bread
    And the Lord sent them manna,
    Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
    And the Devil sent him Anna.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

    Here lies an Atheist
    All dressed up
    And no place to go.