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Excerpts From Classified Sections Of City Newspapers.

  • WE DO NOT TEAR YOUR CLOTHING WITH MACHINERY.
    WE DO IT CAREFULLY BY HAND.

  • GET RID OF AUNTS. ZAP DOES THE JOB IN 24 HOURS.

  • STOCK UP AND SAVE. LIMIT: ONE.

  • ILLITERATE? WRITE TODAY FOR FREE HELP.

  • MAN, HONEST. WILL TAKE ANYTHING.

  • WANTED. MAN TO TAKE CARE OF COW THAT DOES NOT SMOKE OR DRINK.

Used Tombstone

  • AUTO REPAIR SERVICE. FREE PICK-UP AND DELIVERY.
    TRY US ONCE, YOU'LL NEVER GO ANYWHERE AGAIN.

  • DOG FOR SALE: EATS ANYTHING AND IS FOND OF CHILDREN.

  • MIXING BOWL SET DESIGNED TO PLEASE A COOK WITH ROUND BOTTOM FOR EFFICIENT BEATING.

  • AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

  • OUR EXPERIENCED MOM WILL CARE FOR YOUR CHILD.
    FENCED YARD, MEALS, AND SMACKS INCLUDED.

  • NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO HAVE YOUR EARS PIERCED
    AND GET AN EXTRA PAIR TO TAKE HOME, TOO.

Viagra

  • MAN WANTED TO WORK IN DYNAMITE FACTORY.
    MUST BE WILLING TO TRAVEL.

  • TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF. LET ME DO IT.

  • SEMI-ANNUAL AFTER-CHRISTMAS SALE.

  • 3-YEAR OLD TEACHER NEEDED FOR PRE-SCHOOL.
    EXPERIENCE PREFERRED.

  • VACATION SPECIAL: HAVE YOUR HOME EXTERMINATED.

  • GIRL WANTED TO ASSIST MAGICIAN IN CUTTING-OFF-HEAD ILLUSION.
    BLUE CROSS AND SALARY.

Back in time

  • USED CARS: WHY GO ELSEWHERE TO BE CHEATED. COME HERE FIRST.

  • FOR SALE: ANTIQUE DESK SUITABLE FOR LADY WITH THICK LEGS AND LARGE DRAWERS.

  • FOR SALE. THREE CANARIES OF UNDERMINED SEX.

  • GREAT DAMES FOR SALE.

  • FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL-1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

  • MT. KILIMANJARO, THE BREATHTAKING BACKDROP FOR THE SERENA LODGE.
    SWIM IN THE LOVELY POOL WHILE YOU DRINK IT ALL IN.

  • DINNER SPECIAL -- TURKEY $2.35; CHICKEN OR BEEF $2.25; CHILDREN $2.00

Correction

  • THE HOTEL HAS BOWLING ALLEYS, TENNIS COURTS, COMFORTABLE BEDS,
    AND OTHER ATHLETIC FACILITIES.

  • WANTED: HAIR CUTTER. EXCELLENT GROWTH POTENTIAL.

  • TOASTER: A GIFT THAT EVERY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY APPRECIATES.
    AUTOMATICALLY BURNS TOAST.

  • FOR RENT: 6-ROOM HATED APARTMENT.

  • WE WILL OIL YOUR SEWING MACHINE AND ADJUST TENSION IN YOUR HOME FOR $1.00.

  • CHRISTMAS TAG-SALE. HANDMADE GIFTS FOR THE HARD-TO-FIND PERSON.

Super Bowel Party

  • AND NOW, THE SUPERSTORE-UNEQUALED IN SIZE, UNMATCHED IN VARIETY, UNRIVALED INCONVENIENCE.

  • HAVE SEVERAL VERY OLD DRESSES FROM GRANDMOTHER IN BEAUTIFUL CONDITION.

  • Ad seen in NY Times
    For sale by owner
    Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.




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