Funny Bumper Stickers Seen Across America
New "Pluto" Bumper Stickers:
(After being demoted to a 'Dwarf Planet' on Aug. 23, 2006)
- Honk if Pluto is still a planet
- Pluto, we hardly knew ye ... 1930-2006
- Pluto 2006 - Running as an Independent Planet
- I miss Pluto
- Pluto IS a Planet
- Pluto - Actually, we prefer the term "Little Planets"
- Save Pluto
   
- Give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
- Don't wash this vehicle - Undergoing scientific dirt test
- Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
- Keep honking, I'm reloading
- He who laughs last thinks slowest
- Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
- You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
- Jesus is coming, everyone look busy
- I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
- The Earth Is Full - Go Home
- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools
- My kid had sex with your honor student.
- Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
- I is a college student
- I souport publik edekasion
- If you think education is expensive, Try ignorance
- Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
- You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Beer - Helping ugly people have sex since 1765
- BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
- Why drink and drive, when you can smoke and fly.
- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
- Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
- If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
- Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
- Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- Never get into an argument with the schizophrenic person and say, "Just who do you think you are?"
- When she told me I was average, I figured she was just being mean.
- Hire the Handicapped...Were fun to watch!!
- STUPIDITY should be Painful
- This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
- Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
- Lord save me from your followers.
- Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
- Atheism is a non-profit organization.
- And on the 8th day, God sobered up.
- The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
- I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
- It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
- I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
- I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
- I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
- Kill 'em all. Let God sort it out
- Protected by .357 Magnum 3 days a week. You guess which 3
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
- Fight crime - Shoot back
- Ever seen an UZI fired from a car window?
- Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
- Clear the Road I AM SIXTEEN
- He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
- I got this motor home for my wife. Best deal I ever made
- Hang up and drive.
- I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
- If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over..[Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
- If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
- Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?
- If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you
- My other car is a broom. (Found at a witches shop in NYC)
- My Wife's other car is a broom!
- I SWERVE to HIT People at Random!
- I brake for no apparent reason
- I don't brake.
- Warning! I brake for hallucinations
- Don't laugh, your daughter may be inside - (on a custom van)
- Honk If You Want To See My Finger
- Honk if you love me
- Honk if you're horny
- Honk if you are just a honker
- Honk all you want, I'm deaf
- Honk if you love peace and quiet.
- Honk If Anything Falls Off
- Horn broken - watch for finger
- Nothing to lose (on an old rusted out Pontiac)
- Don't follow me, I'm lost
- If you can read this sticker, I can slam on my brakes and claim damages from you
- If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
- Talk is Cheap - until you hire a lawyer.
- Forget the Flag. Burn a Politician.
- I love my country. It's the government that pisses me off.
- Don't be stupid. We have politicians for that.
- Nothing political is correct.
- First Hilary, then Jennifer - now us
- Do you trust a government that doesn't trust you with guns?
- Dole for Pineapple.
- Your College Sucks
- Buy American while there is still time
- The road to hell is paved with republicans
- The road to hell is paved with democrats
- Empty the prisons - Make room for congress
- I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
- Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!
- So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
- I need someone really bad...Are you really bad
- WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
- I'm shy, but I have a big dick
- 500,000 battered women and I'm still eating mine plain
- Nice guys finish last and bring you breakfast in bed.
- Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up?
- You'll need to know my name. You'll be screaming it later.
- I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in.
- I can hold my own. But I'd rather hold yours.
- The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
- Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
- Wink, I'll do the rest!
- Will work for food - Will beg for sex
- Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
- Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
- Discourage Inbreeding - Ban Country Music
- Boldly Going Nowhere
- Metaphors be with you
- Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
- Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
- If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
- Unless you're the lead dog, the view doesn't change
- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
- I love cats...they taste just like chicken
- Dogs think they're human. Cats think they're gods.
- Save the Dolphins. What did the cows do wrong?
- Help wanted-telepath: you know where to apply
- I still miss my wife, But my aim is improving
- A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle
- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him/her sleep.
- Help! I Farted and can't roll down my windows!
- What if the whole world FARTED at the same time?
- What part of "No" don't you understand?
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film
- When all else fails manipulate the data
- A day without sunshine is like, night.
- Love thy neighbor, but don't brag about it
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
- Avenge Yourself - Be a problem to your children
- When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
- I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
- You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
- Why be difficult - Be impossible
- I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.
- Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
- Make the world a better place; kill a bigot
- The first boat people were white
- God created Whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world
- When I grow up, I wanna be just like Barbie. That BITCH has EVERYTHING!
- Wanna get laid? Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
- Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
- If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
- Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- When there's a will, I want to be in it!
- Been There - Shit Happened
- Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
- Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
- She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
- Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !
- Visualize Whirled Peas
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
- We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
- Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
- Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
- Procrastinators Unite!... Tomorrow
- Dyslexics Untie!
- I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.
- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
- My reality check bounced
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most
- Are you stoned or just stupid?
- I gave up drinking, smoking and sex - Worst 15 minutes of my life
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory
- If the music's too loud you're too old
- Subvert the Dominant Paradigm
- My karma ran over my dogma
- Chicken Little was Right!
- Born to Shop
- We're Spending our Kids Inheritance
- If you're rich, I'm single
- I want to die in my sleep like grandpa. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car!
- Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
- According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
- Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
- 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
- Auntie Em, Hate you; Hate Kansas; Taking the dog. --Dorothy.
- Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
- I am not a bum - My wife works
- I am not unemployed I am a consultant
- I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?
- Don't Start With Me. You Know How I Get.
- A good day is when the shit hits the fan and I have time to duck.
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
- Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician
- Humpty Dumpty didn't fall...he was pushed.
- Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
- All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body.
- Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.
- Oh sure. But what's the speed of dark?
- What's another word for Thesaurus?
- Don't miss today worrying about tomorrow.
- I think therefore we have nothing in common.
- With my life I could be on all of Oprah's shows.
- Computers help us to do stupid things faster.
- Welcome to California. Now Go Home.
- Don't Californicate Oregon.
- My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
- If you always take time to stop and smell the roses...sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
- GROW YOUR OWN DOPE, PLANT A MAN
- All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
- All men are idiots....I married their king
- The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
- Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
- Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
- Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
- EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
- If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you!
- Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
- Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
- My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like that.
- Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
- Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
- If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
- Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
|
 
Other Interesting Thoughts
- If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
- I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
- If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
- Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
- I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Implants?
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
- If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
- If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
- If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
- How is it possible to have a civil war?
- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
- Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
- Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
- Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
- What happens when none of your bees wax?
- I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
- If God dropped acid, would he see people?
- If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
- Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
- Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
- The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
- If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
- And, whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
- The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
- I live in my own little world, but it's ok they know me here.
- I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.
- How do I set my laser printer on stun?
- Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea...
- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
- I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
- The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
- There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.
- If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!!
- I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
- I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
- Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
- Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted.
- How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
- Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
- Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
- Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
- The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
- Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
- A crowded elevator smells different to a midget
|
|
MP3 Downloads - Amazon.com
