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 Post subject: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Century
PostPosted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 11:15 am 
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I'll be throwing up these reviews in yearly increments because the 60000 character count won't let me put everything in one post.

As the quote header mentions these are done by IAmTheWalrus, and the only reason i've saved these is because this thread is the only one in the reviews forum that people look forward too. Otherwise, its pretty dead.

IAmTheWalrus wrote:
The Title is pretty self-explanatory. I was surprised about some of the #1s on this list. I completely forgot about some of them until I listened to them for this:

2000:

Smooth - Santana ft. Rob Thomas: #1 October 23 1999-January 8 2000 (12 Weeks)
Easily the best thing that either of these two men did all century. Nice Latin flavor and decent guitar solo. It did not deserve to be as big as it was, though.
7/10

What a Girl Wants - Christina Aguilera: 1/15-1/22 (2 Weeks)
Pre-slutty, post-Genie Christina. This is a pretty bad song. She does not get much of a chance to show off her incredible voice and the lyrics are really painfully awful.
2/10

I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden: 1/29-2/12, 2/26 (4 weeks):
I completely blocked any memory of Savage Garden I ever had from my memory. By listening to this song, I have to acknowledge their existence. Pure crap.
0/10

Thank God I Found You - Mariah Carey ft. Joe & 98 Degrees: 2/19 (1 Week)
A typical #1 for this era. Joe probably has the worst stage name of all time. Thank God the Boy Band phase has ended. Songs like these remind me about how much better mainstream music is now than it was only seven years ago.
1/10

Amazed - Lonestar: 3/4-11 (2 weeks):
Country-pop ballad. One of these guys split from the band and became either Big or Rich of Big & Rich. This song is about as derivative as they come, schlocky by pop standards and country standards. It's a hell of a lot better than 98 Degrees, though.
4/10

Say My Name - Destiny's Child: 3/18-3/25 (2 Weeks)
I used to hate this song. Now I kind of love it. "Say My Name" represented the turn away from Boy Band crap toward more electronic driven and beat-driven music. This was also the breakthrough song for a certain Beyonce. She gives one of her best vocal performances in this song.
8/10

Maria Maria - Santana featuring The Product G&B: 4/8-6/10 (10 Weeks):
The biggest hit of the year. This Santana song is inferior in every respect to the other one. Instead of Rob Thomas, who at least can sing, we have The Product G&B, two members of Wyclef Jean's entourage. Santana does nothing but mumble in the background.
3/10

Try Again - Aaliyah: 6/17 (1 Week)
That's more like it. If this song was released in 2006, it would have been a monster. Easily the best #1 of 2000. With the Asian beats, the pulsing synth and the Timbaland vocal interjections, this song is pretty much "Say it Right" but better. A testament to the genius of Timbaland and the "what could've been"-ness of Aaliyah. She could've been this generation's Madonna. Revolutionary.
9/10

Be With You - Enrique Iglesias: 6/24-7/8 (3 Weeks)
Moving on.
0/10

Everything You Want - Vertical Horizon: 7/15 (1 Week)
Not as bad as everyone remembers. I'd take this over Nickelback any day of the week. Catchy as hell, but annoying after about five listens.
6/10

Bent - Matchbox 20: 7/22 (1 Week)
Again, a hell of a lot better than Nickelback. Matchbox 20 was like the Maroon 5 of the early part of this decade (right down to the number in the band name). The lyrics are absolutely nonsensical.

It's Gonna Be Me - 'N Sync: 7/29-8/5 (2 Weeks)
Justin Timberlake you've come a long way. This is as bad as everyone remembers. Worth a point for the irony of hearing Lance Bass say "It's Gonna Be Me," answering the immortal question "Which one of us is going to come out of the closet first?
1/10

Incomplete - Sisqo: 8/12-8/19
Guys everywhere owe Sisqo a big thank you for starting an exponential growth for the amount of women who wear thongs. However, this R&B ballad is not worth anyone's time. Think of a generic R. Kelly ballad, but 10x worse and you get this song.
2/10

Doesn't Really Matter - Janet Jackson: 8/26-9/9 (3 Weeks)
Of all the albums to produce a number one single, The Nutty Professor 2 soundtrack has to be the most unlikely. I don't even think this song was in the movie. Janet could have done this in her sleep in the early 90s, but she just sounds lazy here.
4/10

Music - Madonna: 9/16-10/7 (4 Weeks)
"Music makes the people come together." I'll always have a soft spot for this song because it introduced Sacha Baron Cohen to the American public and paved the way for Da Ali G Show and Borat. The song itself is not as noteworthy, but it's better than the Janet song. Janet and Madonna should've switched and the songs would've been better.
5/10

Come on Over Baby (All I Want Is You) - Christina Aguilera: 8/14-11/7 (4 Weeks)
I prefer "Dirrty" Christina to earnest Christina. Marginally better than What a Girl Wants.
3/10

With Arms Wide Open - Creed: 11/14 (1 Weeks)
God damn you, Scott Stapp for existing. Only a pretentious fuck like Scott Stapp could react to knocking up his girlfriend by raising his arms towards the heavens and screaming "We stand in awe. We've created life." What has he done to deserve this God complex? He has to be the only frontman for a Christian Rock group to think he is God, himself. I'll take Nickelback over this in a second.
0/10

Independent Woman Part I - Destiny's Child: 11/21/00-1/27/01 (11 Weeks)
Nowhere near as good as Say My Name. The direct predecessor to Bootylicious, while Say My Name is the direct predecessor of Can't Get You Out of My Head. The stupid "Charlie, how your Angels get down like that" refrain pisses the hell out of me. A waste of a good beat.
4/10

Songs that I was surprised did not reach number 1:
There's nothing by Eminem on here, which is weird because The Marshall Mathers LP was clearly the biggest album of that year. Big Pimpin should've reached #1, but only made #3. Oops...I Did It Again only reached #9 in the US, but was #1 in 17 other countries. Bye Bye Bye only reached #1 in New Zealand, but it was in the top 10 for 12 weeks.

Next post: 2001 (The Year of R&B)


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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 2:32 pm 
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Here's his 2001

IAmTheWalrus wrote:
2001:

It Wasn't Me - Shaggy featuring Ricardo "RikRok" Ducent: 2/3-10 (2 Weeks)
Catchy and entertaining, even if I can't understand a word Shaggy says. The logic of telling the girl "It Wasn't Me" makes little sense though, considering the cuckolded girlfriend seems to have every piece of evidence imaginable to the contrary. He was naked on the bathroom floor, in his own house! Unless a burglar was having sex with the girl next door in his house, who the hell else could it have been. Still, an enjoyable listen.
6/10

Ms. Jackson - Outkast: 2/17 (1 Week)
Very, very good. It explores a situation never before encountered in Hip-Hop: apologizing to a baby mama's mother for breaking her daughter's heart. Big Boi's lightning quick flow and Andre 3000's sing-songy witticisms ("you can make a picnic but you can't predict the weather") combine with a great hook to make a Hip-Hop classic.
10/10

Stutter - Joe feat. Mystikal: 2/24-3/17 (4 Weeks)
I had absolutely no recollection of this song even after listening to it again recently. Songs that stay at number one for 4 weeks are supposed to be catchy and memorable, but this one passes through me like prune juice, but leaves a worse aftertaste.
3/10

Butterfly - Crazy Town: 3/24, 4/7 (2 Weeks)
A rap metal love song. Enough said
2/10

Angel - Shaggy feat. Rayvon: 3/31 (1 Week)
Borrowing a bassline from The Joker, Shaggy is slightly more intelligible on this song than It Wasn't Me. It's a nice little love song and it's definitely better than The Joker. It's unfortunate that this is the best reggae can do these days (at least until Sean Paul's glorious run in 2003).
7/10

All For You - Janet Jackson: 4/14-5/26 (7 Weeks)
Janet is back in her comfort zone in this song. She actually sounds a lot like Michael on this one and it has a similar beat during the verses as Justin Timberlake's Rock Your Body, which would become the soundtrack to her famous wardrobe malfunction. It's no Rhythm Nation, however.
5/10

Lady Marmalade - Christina Aguilera, Pink, Mya, Lil' Kim: 6/2-30 (5 Weeks)
Infinitely more annoying than the Labelle original. It pretty much became popular because people thought it was funny to say "voulez-vous coucher avec moi (ce soir)?" I don't know why producer Missy Elliott did not feature in this song instead of Lil' Kim, considering she's a much better rapper.
4/10

U Remind Me - Usher: 7/7-28 (4 Weeks)
This one is pretty ordinary. This was released back when all of Usher's songs used to start with "U." He had better days ahead.
5/10

Bootylicious - Destiny's Child: 8/4-11
"I don't think you're ready for this jelly." Bootylicious was one of those songs that tried to create a catchphrase, but failed. It was at this point that we realized that Beyonce was miles ahead of her bandmates and was a superstar in her own right. The song is pretty bad, though.
4/10

Fallin' - Alicia Keys: 8/18-9/1, 9/29-10/13 (6 Weeks)
Bob Dylan's favorite song of the new millennium. This song is pretty much James Brown's It's a Man's Man's Man's Man's World, but in a different key. That said, Alicia Keys has a fantastic voice and is clearly a talented songwriter. A beacon of light during a horrible year for number 1s (except Outkast).

I'm Real - Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule: 9/8-22, 10/20-27 (5 Weeks)
I'm pretty sure that no one really cared about music the weeks that this was number one, considering it was the same weeks as 9/11 and the days directly afterwards. I'm gonna review it anyway. This song has two of my least favorite people in music: Ja Rule and J. Lo. I hate Ja Rule because he is a terrible rapper and an even worse singer. The call and response chorus between Ja and J Lo. is really annoying and Ja sings more than J Lo., which is weird because J Lo. actually has a decent voice while Ja is grating as hell. I also hate this song because of the hypocritical title. Ja Rule is probably the least thug thug ever, despite that he named his label Murder Inc. and Jenny From the Block is the biggest Diva alive and spits on people who aren't famous.
1/10

Family Affair - Mary J. Blige - 11/3-12/8 (6 Weeks)
Though it has nothing to do with Sly Stone, this song is pretty good. This is so much better than the standard ballads that she does. Dr. Dre's beat is pretty great, as well, with its pounding base and strings.
8/10

U Got it Bad - Usher - 12/15 (1 Week)
Pretty much the direct predecessor of his later hit Burn, but about half as good.
4/10

How You Remind Me - Nickelback - 12/22/01-1/12/02
Once you've listened to one Nickelback song, you've heard them all. Pretty much every song they wrote after How You Remind Me sounds exactly like How You Remind Me. The stupid "Yet"s in the chorus are among the most annoying noises ever recorded. Nickelback, it's five years later and we're still not having fun yet.
0/10

Other notable singles:
Get Ur Freak On - Missy Elliot (peaked at #7) -10/10
Izzo (H.O.V.A.) - Jay-Z (#3 - was the anthem of the summer, nonetheless) - 9/10
Just Like a Pill - Pink (#8) -3/10
Survivor - Destiny's Child (#2) - 5/10
Turn Off the Light - Nelly Furtado (#5) - 7/10

Next Up: 2002 (The Dawn of the Neptunes)


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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 2:33 pm 
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IAmTheWalrus wrote:
2002: 2002 only had nine different number 1 hits, which in some cases hogged the number one spot from more deserving contenders like Work It, by Missy Elliot, which stayed at number two for ten (!) consecutive weeks.

How You Remind Me - Nickelback: 12/22/01-1/12/02
Already reviewed this one for 2001

U Got it Bad - Usher: 1/19-2/16 (5 Weeks)
Already reviewed this one for 2001

Always on Time - Ja Rule feat. Ashanti: 2/23-3/2 (2 Weeks)
Thank God for 50 Cent. Since his arrival, Ja's career has gone down the crapper. And it's a good thing too because he kept on making songs like this one. Ashanti sounds like a robot. I'm still not convinced she's a real person.
2/10

Ain't It Funny - Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule: 3/9-4/13 (6 Weeks)
Much better than I'm Real, but it's still J Lo. and Ja Rule. This is about as tolerable as they get, which is still bloody awful. The main difference is that Ja raps more and doesn't sing as much.
4/10

Foolish - Ashanti: 4/20-6/22 (10 Weeks)
Murder Inc. spent 18 consecutive weeks on top of the charts in 2002. I'm just going to let that sink in... That said, this song isn't that bad. It isn't offensive to the ears or anything. It's just boring. The piano lick, while catchy at first, becomes really grating after 3 minutes.
5/10

Hot in Herre - Nelly - 6/29-8/10 (7 Weeks)
Stop kidding yourselves! This song is awesome! An almost perfect chorus backed by The Neptunes' best beat add up to create the perfect summer hit. Nelly's flow is completely secondary here (which is a very good thing). This song is all about the Neptunes lite funk and the "uh uh"s in the chorus. "It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes." Therefore, tautology.
10/10

Dilemma - Nelly feat. Kelly Rowland - 8/17-9/28, 10/19-11/2 (10 Weeks)
For this song, Nelly comes back down to Earth and becomes the mediocre rapper that we tolerate every once in a while. He enlists a Destiny's Child member not named Beyonce to produce a pretty standard R&B duet. Not bad the first time, but unbearable on further listens. And to think that Work It could have been number one here.
4/10

A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson - 10/5-10/12 (2 Weeks)
All the melodrama and pomp one would expect from an American Idol coronation song. This one was probably the best American Idol coronation song, but was still pretty bad by normal standards.
4/10

Lose Yourself - Eminem - 11/9/02-1/25/03 (12 Weeks)
What can be said about Lose Yourself that hasn't already been said? It's an absolutely perfect pump up song. Eminem rides a great beat (that he produced) and spits fire, whether about mom's spaghetti or Mekhi Phifer. Then again, with Em, it's never been about what he says, but how he says it and he conveys more emotion and anger than Ja Rule has in his entire life. That said, the song has been overrated by rock critics who like to pick one hip-hop song a year to praise to prove they're hip. It's not Eminem's best song, but it's still pretty great.
10/10

Other notable songs:
Work It - Missy Elliot (#2) - 10/10
Can't Get You Out of My Head - Kylie Minogue (#7) - 9/10
A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton (#5) - 3/10
Dirrty - Christina Aguilera ft. Redman (#48) - 5/10
Get the Party Started - Pink (#4) - 2/10
In the End - Linkin Park (#2) - 6/10
Complicated - Avril Lavigne (#2) - 3/10
Without Me - Eminem (#2) - 7/10
Like I Love You - Justin Timberlake (#11) - 9/10

Next: 2003 (The Best Year For Singles Ever? (no but it's up there))


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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 2:36 pm 
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IAmTheWalrus wrote:
2003
This year was a fantastic year for singles and had more quality #1s than the other years. But how in God's name did the Remix to Ignition not reach number 1?

Lose Yourself - Eminem - 11/9/02-1/25/03 (12 Weeks)
Already reviewed for 2002.

Bump, Bump, Bump - B2K feat. P. Diddy: 2/1 (1 Week)
This song is pretty bad. I don't have much to say about it other than the fact that Diddy's verse is pretty stale, as usual.
3/10

All I Have - Jennifer Lopez ft. LL Cool J - 2/8-3/1 (4 Weeks)
While LL Cool J is a huge improvement over Ja Rule, J. Lo still sucks. This song is better than I'm Real and Ain't it Funny, but it gets old very quickly and the call and response chorus is nothing special. Sub-standard break-up fare.
4/10

In Da Club - 50 Cent - 3/8-5/3 (9 Weeks)
I really love this song. The beat is unstoppable and undeniably great. 50's easygoing flow has never been better than in his debut smash. Even his opening "Go shawty, it's yo birthday" thing is endearing. 50 was launched to the A-List on the strength of this song alone, and deservedly song. In Da Club is probably the Hip-Hop anthem of the new millennium.
10/10

Get Busy - Sean Paul - 5/10-5/24 (3 Weeks)
This is one of the weirdest #1 hits of all time. Just listen to the bassline and drums. It's definitely the only #1 hit song ever to use the Diwali riddim. It's also infectious and catchy as any song ever written. I love the sound of Sean Paul's voice even if I don't understand a word he's saying.
9/10

21 Questions - 50 Cent feat. Nate Dogg - 5/31-6/21 (4 Weeks)
50 Cent is dangerously close to Ja Rule territory. He should never sing, ever. His flow is part (well, about a quarter, the beat is the other 3/4) of what made In Da Club great, but he wastes it with a stupid questions gimmick. I never really bought sensitive 50 Cent.
5/10

This Is the Night - Clay Aiken - 6/28-7/5 (2 Weeks)
I prefer to pretend that this song and this man do not exist.
0/10

Crazy in Love - Beyonce feat. Jay-Z - 7/12-8/30 (8 Weeks)
It's all about the horns here. Beyonce and Jay ride one of the greatest samples in the history of R&B and create a classic summer hit. There are other great things about this song. Jay's verse. The "uh-oh"s. The way Beyonce shakes her ass in the video. But, oh my god those horns!
10/10

Shake Ya Tailfeather - Nelly, P. Diddy and Murphy Lee -9/6-9/27 (4 Weeks)
I've always wondered why a song featuring two rappers from St. Louis and one from New York samples the Atlanta Braves/Florida St. Seminoles tomahawk chop chant. That chant is perfect for a Hip-Hop sample, but unfortunately the rappers on this track are two very mediocre rappers and Murphy Lee, who comes off as Nelly's barely rapping cousin here. I'm also gonna dock some points from this track for its connection to the movie Bad Boys II.
5/10

Baby Boy - Beyonce feat. Sean Paul - 10/4-11/29 (9 Weeks)
Two people behind two of the year's best singles join forces to make a...surprisingly mediocre record. Scott Storch's beat does not fit either Beyonce or Sean Paul. And the idea that Beyonce and Sean Paul would ever hook up is very laughable and not very plausible. The video is by far the best part of the song, which is nothing special. Beyonce's verses are pretty annoying and Sean Paul's verse is not great by his standards.
6/10

Stand Up - Ludacris feat. Shawnna - 12/6 (1 Week)
This is one of Kanye West's best beats for the club. Shawnna does her job saying "just like that" whenever Luda says something. And Luda is his usual fun, hilarious self. This song has that awesome line where he says that he wears so many chains that it feels like a midget hanging from his neck. I also love the way he emphasizes certain words and how he transforms into an absolute animal during the verses.
8/10

Hey Ya - Outkast - 12/12/03-2/7/04 - 9 Weeks
A pop masterpiece. Perfect in every way. Easily the happiest song ever written about fidelity and divorce (listen to the verses). Spectacular from the first "1,2,3, uh" to the last "shake it like a Polaroid picture." It introduced two very improbable phrases into the lexicon: "Lend me some sugar! I am your neighbor!" and "shake it like a Polaroid picture." Possibly the best song of the decade.
10/10

Other notable singles:
Ignition (Remix) - R. Kelly (#2) - 10/10
Cry Me a River - Justin Timberlake (#3) - 10/10
Beautiful - Christina Aguilera (#2) - 4/10
Breathe - Sean Paul & Blu Cantrell (#70 US, #1 UK) - 9/10
Like Glue - Sean Paul (#13) - 9/10
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes (#76) - 9/10
Bring Me to Life - Evanescence (#5) - 5/10
Clocks - Coldplay (#29) - 6/10
I Believe in a Thing Called Love - The Darkness (#2 UK) - 8/10
Gossip Folks - Missy Elliot feat. Ludacris (#8) - 8/10
Right Thurr - Chingy (#2) - 2/10
Unwell - Matchbox 20 (#5) - 7/10
Rock Your Body - Justin Timberlake (#5) - 8/10
P.I.M.P. - 50 Cent (#3) - 4/10
Where is the Love? - Black Eyed Peas ft. Justin Timberlake (#8) - 3/10


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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 2:58 pm 
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IAmTheWalrus wrote:
2004: The Year of the Usher - 2004 was dominated in every way by Usher and his four #1s. All of his songs spent a combined 28 weeks on top of the billboards. That's more than half the year!

Hey Ya - Outkast - 12/13/03-2/7/04 (9 Weeks)
Already reviewed for 2003.

The Way You Move - Outkast ft. Sleepy Brown - 2/14/04 (1 Week)
Big Boi's single eclipses Andre's single at #1 at the billboard charts. This was the first time this had happened since the Bee Gees in 1977 (this would happen twice later this year with Usher). The Way You Move is nowhere near as good as Hey Ya, but it's still an enjoyable listen with a great video and a few good lines. Good, but not great.
7/10

Slow Jamz - Twista, Kanye West & Jamie Foxx - 2/21/04 (1 Week)
Easily the best slow jam ever written about slow jams. Kanye's beat is damn near perfect, speeding up a Luther Vandross sample to make an even better slow jam than the songs it is singing about. Kanye's verse has some hilarious lines about cool whip and Michael Jackson. Twista's verse does not have that much substance, but his lightning quick delivery is undeniably impressive. Combine these elements with Foxx's crooning the chorus to make a damn-near perfect rap love song.
9/10

Yeah! - Usher feat. Lil' Jon and Ludacris - 2/28-5/15 (12 Weeks)
Yeah! is the perfect club song. Lil Jon's monster of a beat dominates the track and it dares you not to dance. Usher's loverman crooning perfectly fits the beat and does not distract you from the main purpose of this song: to make you get down like never before. Lil Jon's screams of "Yeah!" and "Ok!" and only serve to pump up the crowd more. And then Ludacris shows up to give a tutorial on how to give a guest rap. I'll just post the lyrics here:
Watch out!
My outfit's ridiculous, In the club lookin' so conspicuous.
And Rowl! These women al; on the prowl, if you hold the head steady I'm a milk the cow.
Forget about the game I'm a spit the truth, I won't stop till I get em in they birthday suits.
So gimmie the rhythm and it'll be off with they clothes, then bend over to the front and touch your toes.
I left the jag and I took the roles, if they aint cutting then I put em on foot patrol.
How you like me now, when my pinky's valued over three hundred thousand,
Lets drank you the one to please, Ludacris fill cups like double d's.
Me and Ush once more and we leave em dead, we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed to say

It's true: Lil Jon's got the beat, Ludacris got the flow, and Ursher (sic) got the voice to make your booty go *slap!*
10/10

Burn - Usher - 5/22-7/3, 7/17 (8 Weeks)
After giving us the club hit of the decade, Usher decides to slow it down for Burn. It's much better than the similar hits that he had earlier in the decade, but it isn't anything special. I guess after tearing it up at the club, even Usher has to have a hangover.
6/10

I Believe - Fantasia - 7/10 (1 Week)
The American Idol coronation song. I like this one more than the others because Fantasia is my favorite American Idol winner. She's capable of better, however, and will hopefully make good career choices in the future.
5/10

Confessions Part II - Usher - 7/24-31 (2 Weeks)
This song is almost indistinguishable from Burn. The only difference is that it says that it's part 2 of Usher's confessions, but what the hell happened to part one? It's sort of like the Remix to Ignition.
5/10

Slow Motion - Juvenile ft. Soulja Slim - 8/7-14 (2 Weeks)
This is one of the more surprising #1s on this list. The entire song is, as the title says, pretty much in slow motion. It seems to be Pre-Chopped and Screwed, which is slowing down a rap song to imitate the effects of drinking codeine. It's also strange that this song went to #1 considering the verses seem to be about taking a woman back to his house and forcing her to strip and then abusing her. Juve at least is polite, asking if it would be inappropriate if he was to grab her ass. Anyway, the smooth guitar sample is pretty cool and I'm a sucker for this Slow Motion gimmick.
7/10

Lean Back - Terror Squad - 8/21-9/4 (3 Weeks)
This is probably Scott Storch's best beat. The dance described in Lean Back ("do the rockaway") appeals to me because it is the only dance that just about anyone can do. The beat has pretty awesome swelling, Asian-influenced strings. The verses are sub-par, but the chorus is fucking catchy as hell and the beat propels the song to become a pretty good club song.
7/10

Goodies - Ciara ft. Petey Pablo - 9/11-10/23 (7 Weeks)
It might be an understatement to say that Lil Jon had a pretty good year in 2004. His two big singles totaled 19 weeks on top of the charts. Goodies is like the multiplicative inverse of Yeah!. While Yeah! was a club song bursting with energy and a big beat, Goodies is pretty much minimalist and more about the bedroom than the club. I'm a fan of Ciara, but this song is slightly overrated. I never liked Petey Pablo and I always thought that he was disgusting and misogynist, even for a rapper. However, it's still a good song.
7/10

My Boo - Usher feat. Alicia Keys - 8/30-12/4 (6 Weeks)
This collaboration between two titans of R&B produces some pretty "meh" results. It unfortunately introduced the word "boo," meaning lover, into the lexicon. Forgettable R&B which only reached #1 on the strength of its big name stars.
4/10

Drop it Like It's Hot - Snoop Dogg ft. Pharrell - 12/12-12/25 (3 Weeks)
This is what minimalism sounds like. There's barely even any music on the song besides the little synth riff before the chorus, the chorus of "snooooooooooop!" and that awesome tongue clicking. This is possibly the Neptunes best beat yet. As brilliant as the beat is, someone has to tell Pharrell to stay off his own tracks. He is really a pretty bad rapper, but a great producer. His bad verse is completely redeemed from Snoop's verses, which are awesome despite the Snoop-izzle speak. The chorus is also pretty cool. The dance in question is also about 3,000x better than the "rockaway."
"I got the rolly on my arm and I'm pouring Chandon
And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on"
8/10

Other notable hits:
Toxic - Britney Spears (#9) - 9/10
99 Problems - Jay-Z (#30) - 10/10
American Idiot - Green Day (#61) - 6/10
This Love - Maroon 5 (#5) - 4/10
Float On - Modest Mouse (#61, #1 Modern Rock) - 9/10
My Band - D12 feat. Eminem (#6) - 3/10
Naughty Girl - Beyonce (#3) - 7/10
Breathe - Fabolous (#10) - 9/10
Over and Over - Nelly ft. Tim McGraw (#3) - 7/10
Pieces of Me - Ashlee Simpson (#5) - 0/10
Through the Wire - Kanye West (#15) - 10/10
Vertigo - U2 (#31) - 6/10
Jesus Walks - Kanye West (#11) - 10/10
Tipsy - J-Kwon (#2) - 5/10
Let's Go - Trick Daddy ft. Twista & Lil Jon (#7) - 9/10
Sugar (Gimme Some) - Trick Daddy ft. Cee-Lo & Ludacris (#20) - 9/10
Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand (#66) - 10/10


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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 2:59 pm 
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IAmTheWalrus wrote:
2005: Scott Storch produced the first two #1s of 2005, each of them lasting 9 weeks at #1. Neither of them are that good and both of them kept better songs from reaching #1.

Let Me Love You - Mario - 1/1-2/26 (9 Weeks)
Mediocre in every sense of the word. It's serviceable R&B, but I'm sort of confused about why it became so wildly popular. It probably has to do with the fact that he sounds like Usher and Usher didn't release a single in 2005.
4/10

Candy Shop - 50 Cent ft. Olivia - 3/5-4/30 (9 Weeks)
Candy Shop is probably one of the dumbest songs ever recorded. OK, 50, we get it. Sex is like candy. The strings are a little much and a better rapper could have done much more with this beat. 50's song with The Game, Hate It or Love It is much better and probably should've been #1 instead.
3/10

Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani - 5/7-5/28 (4 Weeks)
Hollaback Girl, contrary to popular belief, is not the most annoying song ever recorded. I actually like the whole cheerleader beat and theme of the first part of the song and the part where she says "this my shit" or something. By the way, Gwen must say shit at least 40 times during this song. However, the "this shit is bananas" part of the song is annoying as hell and almost kills all the good will she built up during the first part of the song.
6/10

We Belong Together - Mariah Carey - 6/4-6/25, 7/9-9/10 (14 Weeks)
I really don't like this song. Mariah has such a great voice, but she barely uses it on this song. Completely ignorable drivel.
2/10

Inside Your Heaven - Carrie Underwood - 7/2 (1 Week)
Another American Idol coronation song. This one gets a couple extra points because Carrie Underwood is one of the most attractive women to come out of American Idol.
5/10

Gold Digger - Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx - 9/26-11/19 (10 Weeks)
This is a great song. The thing about this song is that in the chorus Kanye says that he "ain't sayin' she's a gold digger," but the entire rest of the song is about how much of a gold digger she actually is. Jamie Foxx could probably put his musical career on hold and just sing Ray Charles samples for Hip-Hop songs. Kanye's verses are hilarious and his beat is pretty good. The only problem with Gold Digger is that it pales in comparison to other songs on Late Registration, like Touch the Sky or We Major or Gone.
9/10

Run It! - Chris Brown ft. Juelz Santana - 11/26-12/24 (5 Weeks)
This is another Scott Storch produced song, bringing his grand total to 23 Weeks on top of the Billboard charts. Anyway, this song is an obvious product of someone who is not Usher and very badly wants to sound like Usher. The first few times I heard this song, I thought it was a girl singing, but it turned out to be Chris Brown, 17-year-old with a ridiculously high voice. The normally entertaining Juelz Santana has a verse here, but it's of no consequence.
5/10

Don't Forget About Us - Mariah Carey - 12/31-1/7 (2 Weeks)
This is another one of those songs that you forget almost instantly after hearing it. Even worse than We Belong Together.
1/10

Other notable hits:
Hate It or Love It - The Game ft. 50 Cent (#2) - 9/10
Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson (#2) - 8/10
1, 2, Step - Ciara ft. Missy Elliot (#2) - 7/10
Lose Control - Missy Elliot ft. Ciara (#3) - 8/10
Oh - Ciara ft. Ludacris (#2) - 8/10
Number One Spot - Ludacris (#19) - 6/10
1 Thing - Amerie (#8) - 10/10
Boulevard of Broken Dreams (#2) - 4/10
Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz (#14) - 8/10
Dirty Little Secret - All-American Rejects (#9) - 2/10
Don't Phunk With My Heart - Black Eyed Peas (#3) - 0/10
Don't Cha - Pussycat Dolls (#2) - 2/10
Get Right - Jennifer Lopez (#11) - 0/10
Lonely - Akon (#4) - 3/10
Pon De Replay - Rihanna (#2) - 5/10
Photograph - Nickelback (#2) - 2/10
My Humps - Black Eyed Peas (#3) - 0/10
Lose My Breath - Destiny's Child (#3) - 4/10
Rich Girl - Gwen Stefani ft. Eve (#7) - 1/10
How We Do - The Game (#4) - 7/10
Trapped in the Closet - R. Kelly (#22) - 4/10 (but 10/10 for unintentional comedy)
Sugar, We're Goin' Down - Fall Out Boy (#8) - 3/10
Stay Fly - Three 6 Mafia ft. Young Buck & 8Ball & MJG (#13) - 10/10
Mr. Brightside - The Killers (#10) - 8/10


Last edited by Ryan on Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 3:01 pm 
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IAmTheWalrus wrote:
2006 - Timbaland clearly ruled this year, with three number one hits including two of the biggest hits of the year by two of the biggest, "Promiscuous" and "SexyBack."

Don't Forget About Us - Mariah Carey - 12/31/05-1/7/06 (2 Weeks)
Already reviewed for 2005.

Laffy Taffy - D4L - 1/14 (1 Week)
Laffy Taffy represents all that is wrong about contemporary Hip-Hop. Terrible, terrible lyrics and delivery and a beat the seems to exist solely to introduce a new dance. Just plain bad.
2/10

Grillz - Nelly ft. Paul Wall, Ali, & Gipp - 1/21-1/28 (2 Weeks)
Grillz has a pretty decent beat and a decent hook. What I don't understand, however, is why Nelly made this song, considering he barely ever even wears a grill. He's hardly even on the song. Paul Wall, however, has a pretty good verse on this one and now he has the most famous mouth in music after Mick Jagger. Paul Wall has one of the best nicknames in Hip-Hop (the Iceman) and he elevates the song to mediocrity. The other guest verses from two Bun B soundalikes are pretty useless
"Just call me George Foreman cause I'm sellin' everybody Grillz"
6/10

Check On It - Beyonce ft. Slim Thug - 2/4-3/4 (5 Weeks)
This is another one of those songs that passes through your head and barely leaves a mark. The beat is by Swizz Beatz, but the beat does not sound very Swizz-y. It does not have any of his trademark whistleblows or horns. Slim Thug, who is normally pretty entertaining and has one of the coolest sounding voices in Hip-Hop, just sounds like a robot here. The whole song is pretty forgettable.
5/10

You're Beautiful - James Blunt - 3/11 (1 Week)
This might be the worst song ever written. We get it. She's beautiful. Now shut the fuck up.
0/10

So Sick - Ne-Yo - 3/18-3/25 (2 Weeks)
This is another forgettable R&B song. Ne-Yo actually had a pretty good year in 2006, considering he sang this song and helped to write Irreplaceable, but this is not one of his brightest moments.
5/10

Temperature - Sean Paul - 4/1 (1 Week)
I normally like Sean Paul, but here his voice is pretty thin and the chorus is pretty annoying. His beat is also not as strong as it usually is.
5/10

Bad Day - Daniel Powter - 4/8-5/6 (5 Weeks)
Only slightly better than You're Beautiful. For me, this song is pretty prophetic because whenever I hear it, it gets stuck in my head for the rest of the day. And it sucks. (I know that joke was not great, but it's hard to stay fresh.)
1/10

SOS - Rihanna - 5/13-5/27 (3 Weeks)
It's about time someone sampled Tainted Love. Rihanna rides the beat perfectly and makes a pretty good pop song. The only problem is that it's a bit too long and it gets repetitive. Also, Rihanna's voice is a little tinny.
7/10

Ridin - Chamillionaire ft. Krayzie Bone - 6/3-6/10 (2 Weeks)
Chamillionaire is a pretty good rapper, but he really dumbs down his subject matter here. The chorus is catchy and the rapid fire delivery from Cham and Krayzie Bone from Bone Thugs-N-Harmony is entertaining. This is simply a case of style over substance, which is odd for Chamillionaire. The beat isn't anything special either.
6/10

Hips Don't Lie - Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean - 6/17-6/24 (2 Weeks)
The first time I heard this song, it was stuck in my head for at least a couple of months. In other words, it's really fucking catchy. Wyclef's rapping at the end is sorta boring, but the verses are entertaining and the chorus is catchy as hell. It's really catchy. It gets annoying after a while though. I really like the horns and the guitar in the background. The main problem with the song is actually Shakira, who is really hot, but when I listen to this song, I can't see her, so the fact that her voice is lower than Wyclef's is pretty distracting. Still, it's overall a pretty decent song.
7/10

Do I Make You Proud - Taylor Hicks - 7/1 (1 Week)
This one is even worse than that Clay Aiken one a while back.
0/10

Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland -7/8-8/12 (6 Weeks)
This beat is unstoppable. I had no idea that Nelly Furtado had this in her. In this song, she changes from "like a bird" to like a pole dancer. The back and forth during the verses between Nelly and Timbo is entertaining and the chorus is catchy. It's not as good as some of their other singles together, though.
8/10

London Bridge - Fergie - 8/19-9/2 (3 Weeks)
London Bridge is one of the worst attempts at innuendo ever in pop music. I can sorta guess what a London Bridge is, but I fucking hate Fergie. The first time I heard this song, I had a fucking migraine. It's painfully bad.
0/10

SexyBack - Justin Timberlake - 9/9-10/21 (7 Weeks)
He's all grown up now. This is one of the lesser tracks from that album, but it's still sorta entertaining and I like how Timbaland seems to be directing traffic throughout the song. The pulsating beat, the verse and the chorus get annoying after a while though.
5/10

Money Maker - Ludacris ft. Pharrell - 10/28-11/4 (2 Weeks)
Pharrell is getting lazy. He used to drop beats three times better than this one in his sleep. The Neptunes, I guess, were saving their best beats for Clipse this year. Either that or they were pissed that Justin Timberlake became exclusively Timbaland's main man. Ludacris, too, used to be a hell of a lot more entertaining before he decided to get all serious for his album Release Therapy. Nowhere close to as good as Stand Up or Yeah or other Luda's club jams. And I don't quite understand the line in the chorus about standing next to the money.
5/10

My Love - Justin Timberlake ft. T.I. - 11/11-11/25 (3 Weeks)
My Love is an amazing song. Everything is perfect. The beat. JT's singing. T.I.'s guest verse. The beat. The chirping, high-pitched voice in the background during the chorus. Everything. The only problem with the song is the lyrics during the JT verses, which are pretty bland. However, nothing can detract from the awesomeness of this song, which is sort of a mini symphony of synth and possibly the best synth-pop song since Blue Monday. And nobody calls T.I. "candle guy."
10/10

I Wanna Love You - Akon ft. Snoop Dogg - 12/2-12/9 (2 Weeks)
At least in the explicit version of this song, Akon's honest. This song is really fucking annoying and even Snoop Dogg can't save the song. In the explicit version, the "fuck" in the chorus is pretty surprising and makes the song more enjoyable.
Clean version: 4/10
Explicit version: 5/10

Irreplaceable - Beyoncé - 12/16/06-2/7/07 (10 Weeks)
This is an actual R&B song. It actually requires Beyoncé to sing, and she gives a great performance here. The "to the left"s in the beginning are really catchy and the lyrics are very clever.
8/10

Other notable hits:
Crazy - Gnarls Barkley (#2) - 10/10
What You Know - T.I. (#3) - 10/10
Ain't No Other Man — Christina Aguilera (#6) - 7/10
Buttons — Pussycat Dolls featuring Snoop Dogg (#3) - 2/10
Chain Hang Low — Jibbs (#7) - 0/10
Chasing Cars — Snow Patrol (#5) - 3/10
Dani California - Red Hot Chili Peppers (#6) - 6/10
How to Save a Life - The Fray (#3) - 5/10
Deja Vu — Beyoncé featuring Jay-Z (#4) - 6/10
Fergalicious — Fergie (#3) - 2/10
Lips of an Angel — Hinder (#3) - 0/10
Tell Me When to Go - E-40 ft. Keak da Sneak (#35) - 8/10
Promise - Ciara (#11) - 8/10
Maneater — Nelly Furtado (#16) - 9/10
Smack That - Akon ft. Eminem (#2) - 3/10
Shoulder Lean — Young Dro featuring T.I. (#10) - 5/10
Snap Yo Fingers — Lil Jon featuring E-40 and Sean Paul of The YoungBloodZ (#7) - 3/10
Where'd You Go — Fort Minor featuring Holly Brook (#4) - 2/10
White & Nerdy — "Weird Al" Yankovic (#9) - 7/10
Unfaithful — Rihanna (#6) - 5/10
Waiting On the World to Change — John Mayer (#20) - 4/10
I Write Sins Not Tragedies — Panic! at the Disco (#7) - 1/10
Ms. New Booty — Bubba Sparxxx featuring Ying Yang Twins & Mr. ColliPark (#7) - 3/10
Kick Push - Lupe Fiasco - 9/10 (#79)


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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 3:03 pm 
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IAmTheWalrus wrote:
2007: The Year of the Robot

2007 was the year when America was obsessed with synthesized voices. The two people who made the biggest impact on this year's hot 100 were Konvict Music's Akon and the pudgy, cyborg R&B singer of the future: T-Pain. Akon had a multitude of top 40 hits (mostly in the first half of the year). T-Pain dominated the Summer and fall with two #1 hits (and the first one of '08). I happen to think that T-Pain's robotic R&B is pretty entertaining, but Akon is pretty annoying, with one exception, which I'll get to later.

Anyway, to the hits:

Irreplaceable - Beyonce: 12/16/06-2/17/07 (10 Weeks)

I reviewed this one back for 2006.

Say it Right - Nelly Furtado: 2/24 (1 Week)
While T-Pain and Akon may have dominated '07, Timbaland was no slouch either. This s,ong is a pretty strong, like many of Timbaland's hits, and has a great drum beat and a catchy chorus. It's also incredibly fun to say "eh" after every bar. This is probably my favorite of Nelly's hits and shows a dark side of Furtado that we haven't seen much of, except in "Maneater."
8/10

What Goes Around...Comes Around - Justin Timberlake: 3/3 (1 Week)
Timbo strikes again, this time with his pal Justin. While not as good as "My Love," this song brings Justin back to "Cry Me a River" territory. In fact, if anything, it's just a supersized version of that song. This is a good thing. "Cry Me a River" is a pop masterpiece (it is, just trust me) and the formula works well. The song has a nice little Arabian guitar line running through the beginning. The song really heats up at the 5:30 mark, when the "Comes Around" interlude kicks in with a new drumbeat and stadium synths. Though Justin's lyrics are pretty stupid, the song pretty much guarantees that no girl should fuck with him.
9/10

This is Why I'm Hot - Mims: 3/10-3/17 (2 Weeks)
The premise is simple really: Mims is hot. He's hot because he's fly. Therefore tautology. You, unfortunately, ain't hot, because, you not. Don't get me wrong, the beat is actually pretty hot, but Mims, unfortunately, is not. Mims says "I could sell a million saying nothing on the track," which is pretty much what he did. The lyrics mainly revolve around the extent of Mims' hotness ("If you take the sun and multiply it's heat ten times over then what you got is me."), but he does not spend so much time focusing on actually why he's hot. If the song was called "This is How Hot I Am," I might have liked it more.
5/10

Glamorous - Fergie featuring Ludacris: 3/24-3/31 (2 Weeks)
I may have mentioned this before, but in the future, Sesame Street is going to be replaced by Fergie, who loves to use songs to teach people how to spell. G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S. That spells glamorous. At least she spelled it right this time, unlike in "Fergalicious" (there's no "e" in "Tasty," Fergie). Anyway, this song sucks and even Ludacris can't save it. It's not her worst song, but it's pretty bad.
3/10

Don't Matter - Akon: 4/7-4/14 (2 Weeks)
Akon brings back the chipmunk from "Lonely" and steals the verse melody from the remix to "Ignition" in his only #1 of the year, despite his ubiquity (when this was #1, however, Akon either guested on or produced (or both) 7 other songs in the top 50). Though it attempts to be a heartfelt R&B ballad, one can't help but squirm and think about the lyrics in relation to that time he dry-humped a 15-year-old on stage in Trinidad. "Nobody wanna see us together." Damn straight. Akon is obviously taking more than just musical cues from R. Kelly. Hide all the preteens.
4/10

Give it to Me - Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado: 4/21-4/28 (2 Weeks)
"When Timbo is in the party everybody put up they hands." Especially after that murderer's row of Akon, Fergie and Mims, I am more than relieved to see Timbaland return to the party. The drums are once again fantastic as Timbaland and his two biggest stars take down their various rivals. Just don't pay too much attention to the lyrics.
8/10

Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne: 5/5 (1 Week)
One the one hand, it's good to see some energy in the billboard charts. It too often seems that chart-toppers are hardly even trying. Avril brings her all, however. I like the idea of the cheerleader-esque chants during the verses. However, the song is annoying as fuck. Just completely diabolical in it's ability to imprint itself on your memory and piss the hell out of you for the rest of the day.
5/10

Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5: 5/12-5/19, 6/2 (3 Weeks)
This song is miles better than anything else Maroon 5 has ever recorded. I like the dance feel and I think that Maroon 5 should stick to stuff like this in the near future. It is rare that a modern rock song comes along that doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out with a nail file.
7/10

Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin') - T-Pain ft. Young Joc: 5/26 (1 Week)
The song is pretty much a succession of pick-up lines. The secret of T-Pain is that any run-of-the-mill R&B song sounds much better through a vocoder. It makes you wonder how the robots from Kraftwerk found out about hip-hop, rather than "this song sucks." This song isn't bad, though. The beat is pretty standard but the chorus is catchy as hell. Yung Joc quite literally could not rap his way out of a paper bag (though his lyrical dumbassery is nothing compared to his real-life stupidity: he was arrested in December for attempting to bring a semi-automatic onto an airplane.) "You can do it all by yourself."
6/10

Umbrella - Rihanna ft. Jay-Z: 6/9-7/21 (7 Weeks)
Ella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh. Who knew that the key to writing the year's best pop song was stretching the word "umbrella" to eleven syllables? Rihanna, Jay-Z and songwriter "The-Dream" did. Umbrella is one of the best songs of the year and is incredibly catchy. Rihanna, like T-Pain, sounds more like a robot nun from outer space than a R&B singer, but it hardly matters because the song is a beast. Jay-Z sounds pretty lazy here, though. He made up for it later by releasing the best hip-hop album of the year. The story about this one goes that Britney passed up on this one. Imagine how huge the song would have been if she didn't.
9/10

Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's: 7/28-8/4 (2 Weeks)
God this song sucks. That's all.
0/10

Beautiful Girls - Sean Kingston: 8/11-9/1 (4 Weeks)
A fat 17-year-old Jamaican named Sean Kingston (probably not his real name) accomplished what most people thought was impossible: he brought Ben E. King back to the top of the charts in 2007. Kingston samples "Stand By Me" on this one, waxing poetic about a "beautiful girl" who "did him dirt" and made him "suicidal." While the song is enjoyable, and Sean Kingston sounds very innocent despite singing that he went to prison, by the 100th time I heard this song, I nearly became suicidal.
6/10

Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie: 9/8 (1 Week)
This isn't a Frankie Valli cover, but it should've been. Instead, we are treated to an acoustic ballad from Ms. Ferguson. This might be the worst song of the year. With lyrics like "And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket" (another example of Fergie's mastery of the English language), it tries to be heartfelt, but instead recalls Linus and Lucy. Big girls may not cry, but grown men do when subjected to the music of one Stacy Ferguson for an extended period of time.
0/10

Crank That (Soulja Boy) - Soulja Boy: 9/22, 10/6-11/3 (5 Weeks)
"Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" It's in your head now, isn't it? The biggest internet phenomenon of the year, the Crank That Soulja Boy dance, came courtesy of a little-known 17-year-old (another one) rapper from the South named Soulja Boy Tell 'Em. The song, depending on the day, is either a work of Pop genius or the dumbest thing ever put to tape since that time someone decided to put a tape of Screech from Saved by the Bell having sex on the internet (and probably before that to). The awesome/awful beat, based on a 7 note keyboard riff and a huge bass hit, is infectious/evil as anything released this year. The dance itself is nothing special/the best thing since the Charleston. The lyrics are retarded/retarded and lines like "watch me crank that robocop" add to the song's charm/depravity. "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" is the best/worst song of the year. Now watch me youuuuuuuuu!
(1)0/10

Stronger - Kanye West: 9/29 (1 Week)
Our brief reprieve from Soulja Boy came in the form of a harder, better and faster Kanye West (I guess he's stronger, too). Kanye is probably my favorite rapper right now. While some of his lyrics are dumb, even the clunkers tend to grow on you because Kanye is so damn likable. The beat is undeniable and one of the best of the year. This song brought nearly everyone together: white dudes and black dudes, French people and Americans, indie house fans and Hip-Hop fans. Even Sarkozy probably liked this one.
9/10

Kiss Kiss - Chris Brown ft. T-Pain: 11/10-11/24 (3 Weeks)
Chris Brown is a fucking great performer. I hadn't really liked any of his songs, though, before I heard this one. T-Pain is back from outer space to give Brown a hand with the ladies (as if he needed help). The chorus is catchy and doesn't wear thin, even if you hear the song three times a day, like I did in its heyday.
7/10

No One - Alicia Keys: 12/1-12/29 (5 Weeks)
Some people really like this song. I don't. I think it's melodramatic and I don't particularly think Keys is suited for this type of song. Leave these to Christina, who has a voice strong enough to deliver the goods. She almost sounds like she's crying, which would be a plus if the lyrics weren't so impersonal and schlocky. It comes off as annoying, rather than heartbreaking.
4/10

That was 2007. Half great, half terrible. Which explains why Soulja Boy has the song of the year.

More fun stuff in the next post: More year-in-review stuff and some random awards I'm gonna make up on the spot. Also, ratings for other of the year's big hits and great songs.

Thanks for all your patience, you guys. I've been pretty busy.

Miscellaneous 2007 stuff:

Best Song of 2007: All My Friends - LCD Soundsystem
So much has been written about this song that I'm not gonna even try to add anything. I'll just say that this song connected with me the most on a personal and musical level.

Best Hip-Hop Song of 2007: International Player's Anthem - UGK ft. Outkast
Everything about this song is completely perfect. The beat, the verses, the way the drums and horns shift around to best complement each of the rappers. R.I.P. Pimp C.

Best T-Pain guest spot: Good Life - Kanye West
T-Pain seemed to be featured on every song this year, but only Kanye figured out the best way to use him: to put an exclamation mark on all of your boasts and get people to throw their hands up in the sky.

Best Akon guest spot: We Takin' Over - DJ Khaled
This one won by a country mile. Akon is as inspiring on this track as he is annoying on all the others.

Most "2007" song: Bartender - T-Pain ft. Akon

Best Use of Horns: Roc Boys - Jay-Z
The sax lick on this song is irresistible and helps make Roc Boys one of the best songs of the year.

Best use of the word "Shawty": "Shawty is da Shit!" - The-Dream
The street word of the year was Shawty, and only Terius "The-Dream" Nash, who brought the world "Umbrella," could figure out how to use it.

Guest Rapper of the Year: Andre 3000
He's back, baby! After messing around with neo-Prince bullshit for a few years (Hey Ya! was great, though), Three Stacks is back to rapping and we didn't realize how much we missed him until his perfect verses on Devin the Dude's "What a Job" and on "International Player's Anthem" surfaced.

Rapper of the year: Lil Wayne
This one was a toughie, considering Jay-Z's and Kanye's fantastic albums. However, Lil Wayne recorded something like 300 songs this year and made some of the cleverest rhymes of the year, especially on his masterful mixtape Da Drought 3.

Ghostface of the year: Ghostface Killah

Best Bowie imitation: Flight of the Conchords
Though Spencer Krug of Sunset Rubdown and Kevin Barnes of Of Montreal come close, Bret and Jemaine take the cake with their dead-on description of David Bowie's nipple antennae, which he uses to communicate with aliens in space.

Craziest human being of the year: R. Kelly
Though Britney is the obvious pick, I defy you to find someone more messed up in the head than Kells. Though he's a genius and incredibly enjoyable to listen to ("I'm a Flirt" is one of the songs of the year), it's clear that something's wrong. Whether he's writing extended metaphors like "Sex Planet," (with the obligatory Uranus reference), "The Zoo," (in which Kells is your Sexa-saurus, baby!) and "Real Talk" ("MILTON! MILTON!"), adding characters like a stuttering Pimp Lucius to his ongoing "Trapped in the Closet" saga (which R says was inspired by aliens), or singing about cookies to his daughter over the phone on Youtube, Kells is clearly the most insane man in music.

Sellout of the Year: Feist (but in a good way)

Other songs that were big in '07:
"A Bay Bay" - Hurricane Chris (#7) - 2/10
"Because of You" - Ne-Yo (#2) - 5/10
"Apologize" - Timbaland ft. One Republic (#2) - 3/10
"Ayo Technology" - 50 Cent featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland (#5) - 5/10
"Big Things Poppin' (Do It)" - T.I. (#9) - 7/10
"Bubbly" - Colbie Caillat (#5) - 4/10
"Can't Tell Me Nothing" - Kanye West (#41) - 10/10
"Cupid's Chokehold" - Gym Class Heroes featuring Patrick Stump (#4) - 3/10
"Duffle Bag Boy" - Playaz Circle featuring Lil Wayne (#15) - 8/10
"Cyclone" - Baby Bash featuring T-Pain (#7) - 3/10
"Go Getta" - Young Jeezy featuring R. Kelly (#18) - 7/10
"Good Life" - Kanye West featuring T-Pain (#7) - 10/10
"Home" - Daughtry (#5) - 0/10
"How Far We've Come" - Matchbox Twenty (#15) - 3/10
"1234" - Feist (#8) - 9/10
"Icky Thump" - The White Stripes (#26) - 8/10
"I'm a Flirt" - R. Kelly featuring T.I. and T-Pain (#12) - 9/10
"I Tried" - Bone Thugs-N-Harmony featuring Akon (#6) - 3/10
"It's Not Over" - Daughtry (#4) - 2/10
"Lip Gloss" - Lil' Mama (#10) - 8/10
"LoveStoned" - Justin Timberlake (#17) - 9/10
"Make It Rain" - Fat Joe featuring Lil Wayne (#13) - 6/10 (Remix: 8/10)
"Make Me Better" - Fabolous featuring Ne-Yo (#10) - 7/10
"Not Ready to Make Nice" - Dixie Chicks (#4) - 5/10
"Party Like a Rockstar" - Shop Boyz (#2) - 6/10
"Paralyzer" - Finger Eleven (#6) - 6/10
"Rehab" - Amy Winehouse (#9) - 6/10
"If Everyone Cared" - Nickelback (#17) - 0/10
"Rockstar" - Nickelback (#6) - 4/10
"Same Girl" - R. Kelly with Usher (#20) - 8/10
"Shawty" - Plies featuring T-Pain (#10) - 2/10
"Shawty Is a 10" - The-Dream (#17) - 8/10
"Shawty Like Mine" - Bow Wow featuring Chris Brown (#9) - 4/10
"Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill)" - Wyclef Jean featuring Akon, Lil Wayne and Niia (#12) - 6/10
"The Sweet Escape" - Gwen Stefani ft. Akon - 8/10
"The Way I Are" - Timbaland featuring Keri Hilson and D.O.E. (#3) - 7/10
"Throw Some D's" - Rich Boy featuring Polow Da Don (#6) - 8/10
"U + Ur Hand" - Pink (#9) - 0/10
"We Takin' Over" - DJ Khaled featuring T.I., Akon, Rick Ross, Fat Joe, Birdman, & Lil Wayne (#28) - 9/10


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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 3:07 pm 
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IAmTheWalrus wrote:
2008: The year of the...?

Unlike in the previous years of this decade, there wasn't really a dominating trend that drove pop music. It seems as if Auto-tune is more than just a trend, since T-Pain and Rihanna had great years once again. One of the more notable, and one of my favorite things that happened this year, was that Lil Wayne exploded from an internet phenom into international stardom. Unfortunately, his worst song was the one that reached number one. Before this recap, I didn't really think that this was a great year for pop music, but I realized that most of these #1s are at least solid, even though there is no amazing song like last year's Umbrella, and some of them are very good. The public did a pretty good job choosing which songs should reach #1. Anyway, I'd just like to add that this year was a bitch to recap, since so many songs traded off spots at number one, probably due to Billboard's increasing reliance on online sales.

Low - Flo Rida ft. T- Pain: 1/5-3/8 (10 Weeks)
It's hard to remember now, but the first two and a half months or so of '08 were dominated by Flo Rida, or more accurately T-Pain. I'm not sure if there is any number one in the history of pop music that's popularity had less to do with the album artist than this one. The popularity of this song is almost completely due to T-Pain and his instantly catchy, but endlessly annoying auto-tuned chorus. Flo Rida is barely here. I can hardly understand what he's saying most of the time and when I can understand it, it is bland and derivative. This song caused many a suburban housewife to ask their kids "What are apple bottom jeans?"
5/10

Love In This Club - Usher ft. Young Jeezy: 3/15-3/29 (3 Weeks)
The first time I heard this song, I was a little disappointed that it wasn't a banger like Yeah, but instead a slower, more "romantic" song. However, the song quickly grew on me as I gradually understood that the beat was amazing in its own right. When I learned that producer Palow da Don created the beat on Garage Band, I was even more impressed. It took me a bit, but I loved the song even more when I figured out that Usher was being completely literal, saying that he wants to make love to this girl right now. On the dancefloor. In front of everybody. "If we close our eyes it could be just me and you," he says. Anyway, Young Jeezy shows up for a standard guest rap, but his raspy voice sounds great against the stuttering synth. The piano arpeggios seal the deal and make this song one of the best of the year. Also, this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur8AwQHusZw
9/10

Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis: 4/5, 4/26, 5/10-17 (4 remarkably unconsecutive weeks)
This is a standard big voiced ballad from Britain's new Mariah sound-a-like Leona Lewis. The song is a standard 50's progression with big drums and a big, catchy chorus. However, I have to say it's very effective and better than anything Mariah has done in at least a decade. The lyrics are pretty dumb, but Leona makes the most of it, especially after the key change and she really starts belting, at around the 3:00 mark. Not bad, not great, but about as good as this type of song can get.
7/10

Touch My Body - Mariah Carey: 4/12-19 (2 Weeks)
My main problem with Mariah is that she has such a great voice, but she has no idea how to use it, which is one of the reasons why I hated her 2005 mega hit We Belong Together. This is a song that anyone could sing and Mariah's amazing voice is completely wasted. The writers should've just thrown this one at Jessica Simpson and give Mariah something challenging. At least she doesn't overdo it and belt her lungs out and go on the those completely unnecessary vocal runs. The track is musically uninteresting and completely unoriginal, and the uselessness of the song is enhanced by the fact that I don't find Mariah particularly attractive. One extra point for Kenneth the Page in the music video.
3/10

Lollipop - Lil Wayne ft. Static Major: 5/3, 5/31-6/21 (5 Weeks)
This is the sound of a rapper selling out. As much as I love Lil Wayne, I really can't stand this song. Lil Wayne basically drowns himself in his vocoder and barely even raps. The vocal hooks are unoirginal and basically every line he uses in this song is borrowed from his earlier work, even his "so sweet makes you want to lick the (w)rapper" line. The song really starts to piss me off when he bites "My Humps." Really, Wayne? Really? It's way too long and grating after one or two lyrics. The beat is nothing special and the concept was old when 50 Cent talked about his lollipop. However, I guess the ends justify the means and the song helped the excellent Tha Carter III become the best-selling album of the year. Weezy is a smart man.
4/10

Take a Bow - Rihanna: 5/24 (1 week)
This song is simultaneously Rihanna's victory lap after her amazing 2007 and her attempt at topping Irreplaceable. The song is a simple piano ballad that, I'm sorry to say, as much as I love Rihanna, she simply does not have the pipes for. It's boring and forgettable. Enters one ear, leaves through the other. Sorry, Rihanna, if you're reading (a man can dream), but this is your worst song.
3/10

Viva la Vida - Coldplay: 6/28 (1 Week)
Hey look, guys! Modern rock! To paraphrase Being John Malkovich, it doesn't seem like anyone is looking for a rock song in today's wintry economic climate. I'm impressed that Coldplay reached number one. However, I've never liked Coldplay. My complaints about Coldplay are basically the same as everyone elses: indecipherable lyrics, music for people who don't like music, a homeless man's Radiohead, incredibly gay, etc. However, I think that this is probably Coldplay's best song since Clocks and it doesn't really sound like anything I've ever heard by the band. It is decent and listenable. However, just because it doesn't sound like anything the band has ever done does not mean it is original, since Joe Satriani is suing Coldplay for plagiarism for this song. He's doing what U2 and Radiohead should've done years ago.
6/10

I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry: 7/5-8/16 (7 Weeks)
Let me preface this review by saying that Katy Perry is a very, very attractive woman. That said, this song sucks balls. Just major balls. She tries to sound like Joan Jett, but she winds up sounding like a sexually confused Fall Out Boy. Also, the utter stupidity of the line "I hope my boyfriend don't mind it" pisses me off every time. What guy isn't turned on by his girlfriend kissing some other girl? The song tries to be edgy, but winds up being just as much of a gimmick as Lollipop. A forgettable bridge featuring lines like "Us girls we are so magical," is the icing on the awful, awful cake.
1/10

Disturbia - Rihanna: 8/23-30 (2 Weeks)
"Bum bum be-dum bum bum be dum bum"
It's in you head now, isn't it? Easily the catchiest song of the year, it's also one of the best. It's easy to forget that the song is about mental illness (not really though, the words are completely unimportant). Though she's often left out of the auto-tune conversation, it is essential to her sound. It gives her a detached persona that work great for songs like these. She uses the auto-tune as an artistic tool, not a cheap gimmick. She sounds like a sex robot from the year 2775. The verses are great, the chorus is great, and the bridge is fantastic. I really love this song.
"Bum bum be-dum bum bum be dum bum"
10/10 (rounded up from a 9.5)

Whatever You Like - T.I.: 9/6-20; 10/4-11; 11/1-8 (7 Weeks)
I really love this song. This song was produced by the same guy who produced Lollipop (Jim Jonsin) and it shows. The strong is structurally similar to Lollipop. They both feature a southern rapper who barely raps on the song. However, where Wayne fails, T.I. knocks it out of the park. T.I. is much more comfortable rapping over this type of beat and his style translates much better to a more mainstream song than Wayne does. It has great synth overtones including a bubbly square sound echoing the melody and a heavy saw providing the bassline. Tip glides over the beat and sounds like the smoothest man alive. The synth outro is great as well. It's no What You Know, but what is? I would argue that this is probably the song of the year, considering the amount of time on top of the charts and its cultural cachet (it spawned many parodies including one by Weird Al).
Also, this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxlwYP0HNdc
And this: http://joe-biden.ytmnd.com/
8/10

So What - P!nk: 9/27 (1 Week)
A deliciously stupid/clever kiss off to her ex-husband. I have hated absolutely everything that P!nk has ever done up until this song. However, as soon as I heard the opening guitar lick of this song followed by the line "I guess I just lost my husband, I don't know where he went", I realized there's a first time for everything. The song is catchy as hell, with memorable verses and a big chorus, in which she calls her ex a tool. P!nk, for the first time, actually is believably angry and gives a great vocal performance. However, during the verses, she falls back into some of the things that makes me hate P!nk so much, like gratuitous insults of blonde bimbos ("Jessica Simp-shit," is a pretty stupid line) and repetitive lyrics (Is someone gonna start a fight? Are you sure?), which keeps me from giving this song anything more than:
7/10

Live Your Life - T.I. ft. Rihanna: 10/18; 11/15-12/6; 12/20 (6 Weeks)
2008 was a very interesting year for T.I., to say the least. He was under house arrest for almost the entire year, after he was arrested for illegal purchase of an automatic weapon. This caused a creative renaissance for the man and 2008 became T.I.'s best year by far, at least in the commercial sense. T.I. enlists fellow 2008 MVP candidate Rihanna to sing a chorus that samples the Numa Numa Song and deliver one of the catchiest hooks of the year. When I first heard the Just Blaze beat, it bothered me a bit. However, in further listens, I realized that the beat was meticulously constructed and filled with details that reward repeat listens. T.I. dedicates the song to the troops, but the song could also easily be about his struggles with the law and himself, trying to simply live his life. T.I.'s flow is great, but his lyrics are besides the point, and Rihanna gives us a fantastic bridge. All of this is secondary however, to the monstrous chorus, giving the simplest and possibly most poignant message of the year:
"Just live your life, ayyyyyyyyy"
10/10

Womanizer - Britney Spears: 10/25 (1 Week)
God I hate this song. By an immense stroke of luck, Katy Perry does not have the worst #1 of 2008. As far as I can tell, there are only about four words in this song and three of them are "womanizer." Her voice is particularly grating on this one. This song is rivaled only by Fergie's London Bridge in its ability to give me a migraine. Song, I know just what you are: Shitty song, oh shitty song, you're just a shitty song.
0/10

Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It) - Beyonce: 12/13; 12/27-Present (Four Weeks, so far)
We've saved the best for last. This song was easily the most minimalist on the charts in 2008, and possibly the best. The beat is basically some electronic toms, handclaps, some synth during the chorus and bridge and that siren noise that repeats throughout the song like a warning for all the men in the world and a call to arms for all the women. Beyonce gives possibly the best vocal performance of her career. After a quiet '07, Beyonce came roaring back to remind the Britneys and Katy Perrys of the world how a real single lady should behave and perform, and also to remind them who is the reigning queen of pop music. Here's hoping this remains at number one for the forseeable future.
10/10

Overall: This was a pretty good year for #1s, if not for pop music in general. Some great songs reached number one this year, and most of the crappy ones weren't that bad. We can owe this surprisingly good list of #1s to the internet, which allows for better songs to reach the top of the charts, as evidenced by the surge of popularity of great songs like Paper Planes. Here's to a great 2009.

My year end awards and top albums list are forthcoming, along with ratings of other hot 100 hits.


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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 3:08 pm 
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IAmTheWalrus wrote:
2009 – The weirdest year for number ones in a long time.

2009 was actually a fairly decent year for pop music. For the most part, the radio pop was harmless and occasionally enjoyable. However, this is not represented in this year’s slate of number ones, one of the weakest in a long time. With the exception of one superstar in the making (you can guess who), none of the new artists who reached number one seem to have any staying power whatsoever. I doubt we’ll be hearing too much from Jason DeRulo or (hope to god) Owl City in the next decade. This year’s #1s would probably be much more interesting if it weren’t for the Black Eyed Peas’ 26-week reign of terror. The Black Eyed Peas inexplicably dominated the middle of the year, with two seemingly forgettable, not even that catchy songs. The last time one artist dominated a year like this was in 2004, when Usher dominated the charts. In 2004, it was clear that Usher was the biggest star in the world, while the Black Eyed Peas seemed to generate mostly “meh”s, as “I Gotta Feeling” and “Boom Boom Pow” stayed at the top spot. The 26 straight weeks the BEPs stayed atop the charts was clearly a record, but does that mean that they were more dominant than the Bee Gees in 1977? Neither of the songs seemed particularly ubiquitous over the summer (#2’s “Best I Ever Had” and “Party in the USA” seemed to have more radio play and more water-cooler discussion) and it seems unlikely that either of these low-IQ hookfests will stand the test of one year, let alone 30. Whatever. Talking about this too much makes me sad, let’s head on to the hits:

Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It) – Beyonce – (12/13/2008; 12/27/2008-1/10/09) (4 weeks)

Reviewed in the 2008 list

Just Dance – Lady Gaga ft. Colby O’Donis – (1/17-1/31) (3 weeks)
Though this was Lady Gaga’s first hit, it showcases almost none of the musical chops or irresistible catchiness of some of her later songs. Gaga didn’t have her coming out party until a couple weeks after this. Listening to this song, it isn’t hard to understand why some people (including myself) believed that Ms. Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta would be a flash-in-the-pan one-hit wonder. Just Dance doesn’t feature any of Gaga’s trademark techniques or vocal tics and exudes almost no personality. Stupid lyrics and a “Konvict” chant in the beginning leant credence to my theory that she was another useless Akon protégé. Luckily, her next singles proved us wrong, but Just Dance is fairly unimpressive and annoying.
5/10

My Life Would Suck Without You – Kelly Clarkson – (2/7-2/14) (2 weeks)
This is a transparent attempt by Clarkson to recapture the popularity of “Since U Been Gone” (which actually only reached number 2). The opening guitar lick and the soft-LOUD-soft dynamic are obvious callbacks to her greatest hit. However, this song conveys the opposite message of Since U Been Gone, and to me it shows a disconcerting regression in her attitude, as in the first song she was an independent woman who did not need a man in her life, but now she’s begging a man to take her back. Since U Been Gone is an almost impossible standard to live up to (I love that song), but I don’t think the song stands well on its own either. It’s nice to see some (non-synthesized) guitars on the top of the charts though, because this is sorta it for guitar in 2009.
5/10

Crack a Bottle – Eminem ft. Dr. Dre and 50 Cent – (2/21) (1 week)
These three men ruled the roost in the beginning and middle of the decade, as everything they touched turn to gold. The Dr. Dre-Eminem tree of influence dominated rap and popular charts and 50 was the biggest star of any kind in the world. Since then, Eminem has suffered a personal break down, entering rehab and suffering more familial drama with Kim and his mother and lost his best friend, Proof, who was murdered. Dr. Dre was still producing beats for young artists he wanted to promote, but he stopped rapping after his excellent Chronic 2001 record. 50 ran out of things to rap about after he transformed himself from David to Goliath and had an ill-advised beef with Kanye. Now he spends most of his time shilling for Vitamin Water. None of these men are on top of their game on this track, but it’s nice to see Aftermath return to number one. Dr. Dre’s clearly ghostwritten guest rap is pedestrian, and so is 50’s. Eminem hasn’t been the same since The Marshall Mathers LP and he never really seems comfortable on club jams or crowd pleasing songs like this one and none of his Shady persona is evident on this track. It’s sad to see an Eminem who lacks any of the fire that he used to bring to even the most meaningless guest appearances, but this is a mostly serviceable club track, since even Dre’s worst beat is better than 99% of his imitators’ best.
6/10

Right Round – Flo Rida ft. Ke$ha – (2/28-4/4) (6 Weeks)
Flo Rida is a rare beast: a rapper with absolutely no personality. He doesn’t claim to be from the streets or anything. He never seems to show up on TV and he never talks about himself in any of his songs. The only things we know about him are a) he has money, b) he likes to spend it on jewelry and strippers, and c) he’s from Florida. His music isn’t very distinctive either. He seems to have the same musical approach as Puff Daddy in the late 90s – play on people’s nostalgia to compensate for lack of creativity and rhyming skills. This song uses the great “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record” by Dead or Alive and adds basically nothing, just altering the chorus to include more innuendo. Out of left-field surprise: Ke$ha, who sings half the chorus on this song and contributes nothing else, has the current number one hit (the first of the new decade, so not reviewed ‘til next year), “Tik Tok,” a semi-pleasant slice of electropop. This song, however, is derivative as they come and not even terrible in the way of some Rick Ross songs. Just average.
5/10

Poker Face – Lady Gaga – (4/11) (1 week) (it was number two for several weeks afterwards)
This song marked the true emergence of one of the most interesting and original pop stars this decade: Lady (probably) Gaga. Of the four major Gaga songs of 2009 (Just Dance, Poker Face, Paparazzi, Bad Romance), the better two failed to reach number one. Poker Face, though, is among the best pure pop songs of the year. Though the poker metaphor is a little weak (“I wanna hold ‘em like they do in Texas, yeah!”), the chorus is irresistible and the oh-oh-oh’s dare you not to sing along. This song is where the Gaga/Madonna comparisons really began to stick – along with the constant changing appearance and spacey, less-than-intelligent interviews, Gaga shares the ability to write a song that appeals to the masses, fills dancefloors and gives critics and snobs hope that the pop landscape will not always be barren. And Eric Cartman does a mean rendition too (definitely better than Weezer’s).

A Christmas gift for you:
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/2 ... b=featured
7.5/10

Boom Boom Pow – Black Eyed Peas – (4/18 – 7/4) (12 Weeks (?!))
This song is unspeakably stupid, but so are some of the best songs of all time (“Louie Louie”). What sets this song apart as one of the worst songs of he decade is the in-your-face, almost proud stupidity displayed by Fergie and friends. Everyone knows the horrible “I’m so 3008, you’re so two thousand and late” line, but that’s probably the wittiest moment of lyricism on the track. Sure it’s catchy, but so is a car alarm. Awful song.
0/10

I Gotta Feeling – Black Eyed Peas – (7/11 – 10/10)
Oh, how this song is retarded! Let me list the ways:
- The title – The song is called I Gotta Feeling. However, the word “gotta” is an English slang term for “got to.” Therefore, the title of this song roughly translates “I Got To Feeling,” which makes no sense.
- The intro repeats for the first 1 ½ minutes of the song with absolutely no variation. There is a difference between a catchy melody and a melody that sticks in your head because of constant repetition. BEP seems to be unable to realize the distinction.
- The lyrics - Though the Peas often set the bar for terrible lyrics in a pop song, but I Gotta Feeling take the cake – “Mazel Tov, take it off!” – Mazel Tov is a greeting used at many important celebrations such as Bar and Bat Mitzvahs and Weddings, where the “take it off!” command would be completely inappropriate.
- “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…” – This is unacceptable. You can’t just list the days of the week. This isn’t the Happy Days song. This isn’t Sesame Street. Will.i.am should go die in a fire.

Really, my main problem with the Black Eyed Peas is how they don’t even try to make their songs palatable to intelligent music listeners. I like to have faith in the American public and their ability to differentiate good from bad, but sometimes my faith betrays me and stupid wins. The Black Eyed Peas constantly appeal to the lowest common denominator, and that earns them platinum records and Grammy nominations (Grammy voters might actually be the lowest common denominator). I am a strong advocate of the belief that a great pop song is great art, and that FutureSex/LoveSounds can be mentioned in the same breath as Funeral on a best albums of the decade list. However, the Peas exist solely to confirm the haters’ beliefs that Pop music is a load of crap and has been since the 60’s ended. And for that, I hate them and these two songs with fiery passion.
0/10

Bonus list: Songs that Only Peaked at Number 2 behind the Black Eyed Behemoth (in order of preference):

You Belong With Me – Taylor Swift – 8/10
Best I Ever Had – Drake – 8/10
I Know You Want Me – Pitbull - 7/10
Run This Town – Jay-Z – 6.5/10
Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus – 5.5/10
Blame It – Jamie Foxx – 4/10

Any one of these songs would have been a much better number one than either of the BEP songs

Down – Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne – (10/17; 10/31) (2 Weeks)
"Honestly, I'm down like the economy." – Seriously, Lil Wayne makes any song about 35% better by default. Even though this isn’t one of his very best verses, it takes a mediocre, somewhat run-of-the mill R&B song, only notable because of the nationality of the singer, and makes it enjoyable. I’m gonna miss Weezy when he goes to jail, though he’ll still probably will find some way to record.
5/10

3 – Britney Spears – (10/24) (1 Week)
Britney Spears rejoins the man responsible for making her career, Max Martin. However, this time, the results are far less memorable, as Britney does not retain the same force of personality that she exuded when she burst onto the scene as a 18-year-old. This is fairly standard dance pop, with no real wrinkles except for the falsetto in the pre-chorus, which I can take or leave. This is probably ‘09’s least distinctive number one, which is odd, because even when they’re terrible, Britney songs usually seem more interesting or important than a song by an average imitator.
4/10

Fireflies – Owl City – (11/7; 11/21) (2 Weeks)
What a douche. Seriously. Everyone knows you were ripping off The Postal Service, and then you had to go and deny it? Come on! “Fireflies” is a clear rip off of the entire Give Up aesthetic, with the sensitive Indie vocals over the electronic backdrop. Though Postal Service/Death Cab singer Ben Gibbard’s lyrics are a little clunky, they are heartfelt, sweet and innocent and Gibbard sings with enough sincerity to sell them. That douche from Owl City does not. His vocals are a pale imitation of Gibbard’s. His lyrics are atrocious – every cliché in the emo book shows up somewhere (“Cause everything is never as it seems,” “I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep,” “Please take me away from here”). The bleeps at the beginning seem to be a conscious effort to remind the listener of Such Great Heights. However, the other half of the Postal Service, Jimmy Tamborello brought an elegance and complexity to the programmed beats, and they fit the sensibilities of Gibbard perfectly. Owl City’s beat sounds like it would soundtrack an airline safety video and has the subtlety of that Black Eyed Peas song. Terrible. I feel like calling him a Postal Service rip-off gives him too much credit.

One more unrelated gripe – Make another album, Postal Service! It’s been six years! The market is perfect! If shit like this can reach number one, imagine what your next single could do! Maybe I’m giving the American public too much credit (probably, considering the BEP’s dominance of the charts).
0/10

Whatcha Say - Jason Derulo - (11/14) (1 week)
Though interesting for sampling that Imogen Heap song, Whatcha Say ultimately fails from a lack of talent. Jason Derulo had a great idea to sample Hide and Seek, but couldn't deliver with more than a third-rate pop song. I'm not sure that the sample fits the lyrics too well and Derulo himself gets lost in the sample, which is practically unaltered from the original track. Possibly the weirdest #1 of the year, but nothing special.
4/10

Empire State of Mind – Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys – (11/28-12/26)
As a lifelong Yankee fan and New York resident, I’m not exactly an unbiased observer here, as the song was the unofficial anthem for the team’s World Series victory. That said, every observation that Jay-Z makes about the city rings true and makes me long to hop on the Metro North and walk around Midtown with the song blasting out of my headphones. Though Jay isn’t at his best here, he mostly refrains from boasting about himself (which comprises the rest of Blueprint 3) to pay tribute to the city he loves. The chorus, though, is the best thing Alica Keys has ever recorded. It is suitably epic and as the minimalist verses give way to the huge chorus, it feels like walking from 42nd street into Time Square, or standing on top of the Empire State Building (not exactly obscure New York references, but this song calls for big comparisons). Love this song.
9/10

Summary: Most of the number ones were at least average, but the entire year was bogged down by the 26-week black (eyed) hole in the summer (and the awful Owl City song). Take 5 weeks away from both Black Eyed Peas songs and evenly distribute them between “Poker Face,” “You Belong With Me,” “Best I Ever Had” and “I Know You Want Me,” then this year is a best of decade candidate for number ones. Oh well. Here’s to hoping that the nation outgrows the Black Eyed Peas in the next decade just like we outgrew shitty acts like Boyz II Men and boy and girl groups this decade.
End of year and end of decade stuff possibly to come.


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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 1:10 am 
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I hope IAmTheWalrus comes back or finds the new forum and does this for this year.


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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 3:30 pm 
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If he doesn't, let's all do our own. Here's my ratings, might do reviews later:

Ke$ha - Tick Tock: F
Black Eyed Peas - Imma Be: C+
Taio Cruz - Heartbreaker: B
Rihanna - Rude Boy: A-
Bob - Nothin On You: C-
Usher - OMG: D+
Eminem - Not Afraid: D
Katy Perry - California Gurls: B+
Eminem ft Rihanna - Love the Way You Lie: F
Far East Movement - Like a G6: D+
Rihanna - Only Girl In The World: A+


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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:20 pm 
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Ke$ha - Tik Tok
8
Yes, she's annoying as fuck, even more so than Uffie, but this song is immaculately produced. Those synth stabs in the chorus are engineered for pop perfection.

The Black-Eyed Peas - Imma Be
7
Utterly banal and asinine. But the song moves in the right direction, and it's funky as shit. will.i.am is a great producer, and this song goes to show he's not interested in repeating a formula. Also, I think Kaleb has a secret life as a member of this group.

Taio Cruz ft. Ludacris - Break Your Heart
6
Yay. Another autotuned black RnB singer with little to no ambition to break the pop mold. The song is far from offensive, synth arpeggios have been abused far more in other songs. Luda's verse is good, he should have done the whole song and just left the choruses to Taio.

Rihanna - Rude Boy
6
Poor Rihanna. The song is fine, but Rihanna has an annoying voice and that's that.

B.o.B. ft. Bruno Mars - Nothin' on You
7
Two annoying artists, luckily the song isn't so annoying, but it's so very vanilla. Saved by the bassline.

Usher ft. will.i.am - OMG
5
Usher is everything wrong with modern RnB.

Eminem - Not Afraid
5
Here's a tip - if Eminem's hair is not blonde, it's not a good song.

Katy Perry - California Gurls
8
Like Tik Tok, this song rises out of its annoyingness with a stellar chorus. Snoop's verse is fantastic. Great video too.

Eminem ft. Rihanna - Love the Way You Lie
0
Everything. Wrong. With. Society.

Katy Perry - Teenage Dream
4
Boring. Waste of a good song title.

Bruno Mars - Just the Way You Are
4
Boring. Vanilla. Obviously aimed at girls/pave.

Far East Movement ft. The Cataracs and Dev - Like a G6
6
Has all the elements of an insufferable song, but surprisingly it almost works. I still don't know what a G6 is other than a chord, or a note oft-discussed in the vocalist forum.

Ke$ha - We R Who We R
7
By toning down the bitch rap and ramping up the actual melodies, this is far from a bad song.

Rihanna ft. Drake - What's My Name
5
Boring. Inoffensive.

Rihanna - Only Girl in the World
9
Best no. 1 this year. It's a fantastic song and it's produced perfectly. Not even Rihanna can ruin this one.

Pink - Raise Your Glass
6
I've never hated Pink, but I don't like that this song condones being ugly.

Katy Perry - Firework
0
Utter shit. GTFO Katy, and stop making it cool to be ugly/homosexual/fat etc.


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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 12:43 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:14 am
Posts: 203
^ Jeez, harsh much?

Ke$ha - Tik Tok- 8

The Black-Eyed Peas - Imma Be- 3

Taio Cruz ft. Ludacris - Break Your Heart- 7

Rihanna - Rude Boy- 7

B.o.B. ft. Bruno Mars - Nothin' on You- 10

Usher ft. will.i.am - OMG- 6

Eminem - Not Afraid- 3

Katy Perry - California Gurls- 9

Eminem ft. Rihanna - Love the Way You Lie- 5

Katy Perry- Teenage Dream - 9

Bruno Mars- Just The Way You Are - 6

Far East Movement ft. The Cataracs and Dev- Like A G6 - 3

Ke$ha - We R Who We R- 6

Rihanna ft. Drake - What's My Name- 7.5

Rihanna - Only Girl in the World- 10

Pink - Raise Your Glass- 8

Katy Perry - Firework- 7

Bonus #1 (Because it reached #1 the last two days of '10)
Bruno Mars- Grenade- 7

And honestly, I dont care how condescending people get. I think this year was an EXCELLENT one for Billboard #1s, no matter what people say (with a couple exceptions)


Last edited by JRB on Tue Jan 04, 2011 2:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Reviewing Every Billboard Hot 100 #1 Hit in the 21st Cen
PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 4:43 pm 
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Posts: 8408
Location: the undiscovered country
Mitch NZ wrote:
Bruno Mars - Just the Way You Are
4
Boring. Vanilla. Obviously aimed at girls/pave.


i can't stand Bruno Mars actually. but :lol: anyway.


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